i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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