fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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