I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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