smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
