OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You smell like a Billy Joel song
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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