you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just want to make out with him forever
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
