We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
