i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
