will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
