my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
