I seem to have left my pride at pride
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
