I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
