Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
