i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize