dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
