Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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