Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
