I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So vagazzling was a success
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