vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
