i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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