We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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