one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
