So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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