I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
