I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
