i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
