just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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