Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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