I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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