I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
