My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
