I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
