Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
where does the pee come out of this thing
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
