ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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