you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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