were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
