There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
