Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
