sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
