you traded sex for a burrito?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
