How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Boobs speak an international language.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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