Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
