The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
