there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize