Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
