the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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