So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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