I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
