Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
