I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
