well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
