He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The air was thick with penises
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My vagina is officially offended.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
