I want to walk on stilts...naked
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
