He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
