You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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