I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
