So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
