Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
