i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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