I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
