You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
