He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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