Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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