i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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