I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
