He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
