the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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