peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
